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We planned Halloween costumes and epic homecoming sleepovers.We talked about our eating disorders with a candor unavailable to us at the lunch table.the basics can be extraordinarily arousing when they’re said out of context or in a different situation.” For women like me who were teens and preteens in the late 1990s and early 2000s, that “different situation” was AIM (AOL Instant Messenger).Chatting online was our “out of context,” because interacting fact-to-face meant awkward, eyes-on-the-floor self-consciousness that defined middle or high school. You could “…” through an awkward silence; draft messages in consultation with your BFF; study your chipped nail polish instead of looking straight into the eyes of the person you hoped “like-liked” you. You could sign off with “ciao” one day, “peace out” the next. Moreover, you can ask questions online anonymously on any topic and receive answers from the experienced community. If they don't monitor your private conversations this app would be amazing.

It was in those unstructured conversations that I could be typing so fast my guard came down.

But developing a sexual identity was as difficult as choosing a screen name.

Katz told me AIM “was a way we learned to enact pleasure or demonstrate that we were feeling pleasure, even and especially if we weren’t.” At the same time we were using AIM, my best friends and I were also listening to NSync.

When I messaged boys I liked, I learned to have conversations where there was no pressure to arrive at a right answer.

Chatting online, rather, the goal was just to banter.

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